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27 February 2007 @ 04:26 pm
 

Title: Nothing Left
Author: [info]cmartin3353
Character/Pairing: Veronica, Logan, very slight Logan/Veronica.
Word Count: 1250
Rating: PG-13
Summary: You quickly realize this is the first time he's touched you since your best friends funeral.
Spoilers: None. Pre-series.
Warnings: None. 

--

You slam the door of the LeBaron and let your eyes scan the building in front of you. You know that if life was the way it should be, today would be like any other day and you wouldn’t have to hesitate before walking through the doors of Neptune High. You’d have a smile on your face and a mental list of stories and gossip to tell your friends.

You stare for another minute then let out a sigh. Life’s not the way it should be. Today is not any other day. And you don’t have any friends. So you square your shoulders, steel your resolve, and try not to think of a year ago when instead of going to school you donned your nicest black dress and spent the day with a group of people who would have preferred you were the one being lowered into the ground.

A glance to your left reveals the one person you are positive you don’t want to see today, so you start walking, praying he won’t follow you. But you don’t actually expect anything to go your way, especially not today, so of course the sound of feet against pavement follows all the way to your locker.

The slight pressure of fingers circling your forearm makes your skin tingle in a way you haven’t felt in a really long time, and you quickly realize this is the first time he’s touched you since your best friend’s funeral.

--

You step out of your dad’s car and suddenly you’re swimming in a sea of black suits and angry stares because someone else confessed and your dad lost his job, and to you the only option was standing by him, because he’s your father and he’s the one who’s always been there.

And right now you’re at that place again where you only have one option, so you put up with the looks and the whispers and the turned backs because, dammit, she was your best friend, and that’s so much more important than keeping the rest of your heart from breaking when the people you thought loved you refuse to even look at you.

Your eyes finally land on the open casket, but you know that can’t be your Lilly because she is quiet, and modest, and tranquil. And with all the time Lilly spent being as loud and flashy as possible, you know that not even death could do that to her.

Someone steps up beside you, but this is the last time you’ll ever see your best friend so there’s no chance you’re going to look away. Because looking away feels like loss all over again.

You are so beyond surprised when a warm hand slips into yours, but you’re not about to lose this lifeline so you hold on with everything you have. And you don’t question the fact that yesterday he was determined to make your life a living hell, or that tomorrow will be undoubtedly the same, because he’s here – now – and that’s enough.

--

He spins you around and you open your mouth, ready to return whatever barb he throws your way, but he’s silent and the look in his eyes keeps you from throwing any at him.

His hand links with yours and as he’s pulling you back towards the parking lot you realize all the time you spent convincing yourself to get in the car this morning was for naught, because apparently you’re not going to school anyway.

You bite your tongue when he stops next to the yellow monstrosity he calls a car and wordlessly open the door and climb in, dropping your bag at you feet as you wait for him to join you.

--

You don’t notice that the ceremony is over until your ex-boyfriend comes over and nudges his best friend whose eyes are still locked on the six foot deep hole in the ground.

When he shifts his attention, his hand starts to slide from yours and this panicked feeling slams into your stomach so hard that you have to physically stop yourself from throwing yourself at him and begging him to never let go of you. The panic turns to relief a second later when you realize he was just adjusting his grip so he could lace your fingers together.

You listen as your ex whispers about a gathering at the Kane estate which you are positive only one of you – definitely not you – is invited to. Then without so much as a glance in your direction, he turns and disappears back into the sea of black.

You had to use all your willpower to keep the tears at bay throughout the entire funeral, but one dead best friend plus one ex who can completely ignore your existence while he stands not two feet away equals way more than you can handle. So as soon as Duncan is gone, you jerk your hand roughly from Logan’s and run to you father’s car, praying he can do something, anything, to make this better.

--

The downpour you remember hearing through your window last night makes the grass beneath your feet squish with every step. You look over to where he’s walking next to you. Head down. Hands in pockets. Feet squishing. He looks up when he feels your gaze on him and one hand immediately leaves his pocket to reach for yours.

You stop walking the second his fingers lace with yours because you’re in the exact same place and he’s touching you the exact same way, and every single thing you felt a year ago is just as strong today.

You look away from him and your eyes land on her headstone. Lillian Kane. Beloved daughter, sister, and friend. She was so much more than that. And when you feel the tightening of his fingers in yours, you know Logan is thinking the same thing.

He shifts his gaze to you again and you wonder how he can stand to look away from her when it almost kills you. It only takes you a second to realize it’s because while he lost Lilly, you lost everything. Your friends, your mother, your innocence.

Your entire life disappeared in a whirlwind of bloody ashtrays, lost jobs, and missing underwear.

You close your eyes and you can see your best friend right in front of you (happy, laughing, alive) and it breaks your heart. And you haven’t let anyone see you cry since that morning spent in the sheriff’s office with no memory of the night before. But you know you won’t hear about it tomorrow in Neptune High’s gossip circle – you have an unspoken promise that today is off limits – so you let down the barriers.

You count the one, two, three, four seconds it takes for his arms to come around you. He hasn’t hugged you since – Lilly, Duncan – ever. It takes longer than you care to count (minutes? hours?) for the tears to subside. Once your sniffling is under control, you ease away from Logan and wipe the remaining wetness from your cheeks.

Your gaze finally – finally – stray from the last place you ever saw Lilly, and locks with Logan’s. He’s staring at you like you’re the only thing in the world. And it hurts that much more when you remember that tomorrow you’ll trade hand holding for fiery insults and flat tires.

You bite your lip and look away.

Just because everything’s different doesn't mean anything has changed.
 
 
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